


Virgil! You are my anxiety! No one else's!

by natigail



Series: Sanders Sides Videos - Virgil's point of view [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Courtroom Drama, Dialogue Heavy, Episode: Selfishness v. Selflessness, Friendship, Gen, Introspection, Lies, M/M, Mind Palace, Self-Doubt, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:35:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24145990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natigail/pseuds/natigail
Summary: Thomas had the ability to materialize aspects of his personality, which was a rare gift indeed. Virgil has has been accepted and embraced by Thomas and the three core Sides - Logan, Patton and Roman - and he has slowly begun to let his guard down. It's going okay until a certain deceitful Side decides that he needs more control over Thomas' decisions.Virgil doesn't like that Thomas is allowing one of the others to stick around out side of his head, and he's even more baffled to find that Thomas is listening and indirectly forcing all of them to play along with the web of lies that he spins. Virgil feels powerless to stop it, and all he can really do is watch as things fall more and more apart.**All dialogue is from the Sanders Sides video Selfishness v. Selflessness -watch it here**
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Deceit & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton & Thomas Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Thomas Sanders
Series: Sanders Sides Videos - Virgil's point of view [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/856816
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	Virgil! You are my anxiety! No one else's!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with this series! After watching Putting Others First I really wanted to do another one of these but seeing as my boy Virge was absent in that one, I did the next best thing and finally did one for the new video's part 1. Enjoy!

Virgil feels a little aimless these days. Thomas isn’t as scared of him as he used to be. It’s a good thing really, because it means that Virgil isn’t causing Thomas unnecessary grievances all the time.

It’s progress. It’s growth.

It also sucks a bit. While Virgil is growing to be more than just anxiety personified, he still has that as being a part of him. He’s not bothering Thomas with it anymore, or well, he doesn’t bother Thomas with it as much anymore.

He tries to keep a tight leash on the anxiety spikes. He tunes them out and doesn’t let it get past himself. But he still hears them all the time.

It’s the reason that he can’t really resist as he’s walking by Thomas’ camera that he carelessly hasn’t turned off after filming a sponsor for a video. It’s just standing there, almost taunting him and Virgil jumps at the chance for an outlet.

And because he likes to mess with people.

It’s still part of who he is. He creeps a little closer to the camera.

“Is your door locked?” he starts and he lets his energy and aura expand for a moment. It revels since it’s always so tightly controlled at the moment. It’s exhilarating. “Did you leave the stove on?” he adds and then adds a real kicker, one that has had Thomas twisting and turning in his bedsheets in the middle of the night. “What do you think people say about you when you leave the room?”

“Virgil! Uh, uh!” Thomas’ voice calls out in scolding.

Virgil isn’t exactly proud of how he folds in, almost like a misbehaving dog. He allows himself the tiniest pout. “I know you were not giving other people anxiety. You are my anxiety! No one else’s!”

Thomas is yelling at him but there’s something in Virgil that latches onto his words and celebrates it. Virgil still isn’t exactly sure how they went from Thomas meekly admitting to his audience that Virgil was his anxiety to now claiming ownership of him like this. It’s a nice change, Virgil thinks, even as he sulks out of the room.

“Trifling ass-ailant of my emotions,” Thomas mutters under his breath, before addressing the camera. “Sorry, he’s still bummed that I went back to brown hair. I said I might dye it again soon.”

The last part is called out to Virgil and he hears it, just barely as he was leaving. It’s true that he misses the purple hair but he almost wishes that it was something as simple as that. If he really wanted to have purple hair, he could just make it so.

They can all shapeshift however they see fit.

Then again, they always find themselves matching Thomas’ hair because it makes them feel more connected to appear as him. They all like looking like Thomas because he’s their home. Their person that they’re all working to better and celebrate at the same time.

Virgil sinks out with a small smile on his lips.

*******

Thomas goes from being excited and giddy and heart pumping entirely too hard for it to come crashing down violently. But it’s okay, Roman and Patton are out there with him. They’re good at that type of feely-feely thing.

From faint the feel of it that Virgil can sense still inside Thomas’ head, Thomas needs reassuring because he feels gutted right now and that’s not an emotion that Virgil knows how to help with.

His best assistant would be a sarcastic comment. He had a feeling that it wouldn’t be of much help. He’s more than willing to sit this one out, Roman and Patton will help and if they don’t, then Logan will surely step in. It’ll be fine.

But then he hears it…

His anxiety ignites the second he hears those sinister and unfortunately familiar tunes and he knows what it means all too well. The other Sides might know of him now but they are not equipped to handle him at all.

Virgil isn’t sure he’s equipped to handle him either, but at least he has a better idea of who they are dealing with. He still remembers too many of that Side’s deceitful tricks. He relocates his energy and pops up in Thomas’s living room just as Deceit is speaking.

“Alright, alright. Guilty as ch-”

“Hi! Hello!” Virgil greets with an aggressive wave. “What do you want?”

You should not exchange niceties with this Side. It will only end in your ruin. Deceit glares at him, annoyance palpable in the air, but Virgil hardly pays it any mind, too occupied with the anxiety that he’s trying to keep contained and away from affecting Thomas too much.

“Thank you, Virgil. I love how you just ruined my dramatic introduction,” the snake says, before blowing kisses. “Mwah, mwah. So good.”

Virgil’s skin crawls and he can’t look at anyone else. He knows Thomas, Patton and Roman are staring at him, but he can’t look away from Deceit not when he doesn’t know why he’s here or what he is up to.

It only spells trouble.

“Well, your face ruined my day,” Virgil grumbles and continue to stare at him. “So, we’ll call it even.”

“Your old tricks are tired, Deceit!” Roman says and he sounds as regal and confident as usual. It gives Virgil a glimmer of hope. Roman can protect Thomas. “You have to step up your game, man.”

“Roman, please don’t tell me how to do my job better,” Deceit says, a clear lie, and he even goes as far as to move his hand up to his ear to indicate that he’s paying attention.

But Roman jumps in with both legs because he always steps up whenever anyone asks anything of him. Any chance to perform he grabs with both hands and Virgil kind of wants to smack him.

“I mean the wrong tie was a dead giveaway. As an actor, may I cay, the little things make a huge difference,” Roman continues, unwittingly that he’s aiding their enemy.

Patton is nodding along, always ready to be supportive, even if he’s also missing the point. Thomas clearly knows this is a bad idea but his subtle gestures to wave Roman off it doesn’t reach the fanciful Side.

“Roman, enough,” Deceit says and there’s a charming quality to his tone.

Roman still isn’t getting it. Virgil resists the urge to drop something on his head.

“No, seriously, Roman,” he hisses instead, flashing wide eyes at Roman. “Enough!”

Deceit has so much ammunition already. He knows how to read people, to play into their weaknesses and sensitives and just rip them apart. Virgil knows the power that comes from that ability. It’s one he has as well.

“Just get lost, you, um….” Thomas says as he finally speaks up. “Roman, nickname.”

“Dr. Trickyll and Mr. Lies,” Roman chirps, happily and instantaneously.

Clearly, a nickname he had thought up beforehand. Virgil almost snickers and he wonders how long the list of mean nicknames for him was before Roman decided that he was going to stop doing that.

“What he said!” Thomas shouts at Deceit, who doesn’t look like any of this phases him.

“Glad he didn’t leave it at Dr. Trickyll,” Virgil remarks, and hopes the snarky comment lightens the mood a little.

“Oh, what, so I can’t join in and give my honest opinion?” Deceit asks and his voice is sugar sweet. Just another one of his many fronts.

“No, I _honestly_ don’t believe you can give your honest opinion,” Thomas says.

Virgil revels in that. Thomas is the boss of all of them and he hasn’t given into Deceit’s whims. He hasn’t fallen under his charm yet. Virgil is still doing something right, keeping him alert and skeptical and looking out for his own well-being.

“Come on! I don’t only speak in lies,” Deceit says.

Virgil hates it, but it’s true. It would be much easier if he did. Deceit is capable of telling the truth, but he often doesn’t. It’s a choice more than a compulsion. He just twists words to fit his purpose.

“Oh, that’s definitely a lie,” Roman says, certain.

Virgil almost makes a mental note to pull him aside later and tell him that unfortunately, he’s wrong. But he can’t because there are complications to that and knowing Roman, he would question Virgil how he can be sure. Virgil can’t tell him that because that’s the one thing he’s still not acknowledging.

He can’t break open that cookie jar. He doesn’t know how he’ll handle the fallout. How he’ll survive seeing everything the five of them has built up together.

“Let’s give them the old _liar liar_. What color is my shirt?” Thomas demands.

“Red! I mean, blue!” Deceit snaps. Virgil nearly facepalms.

“Oh!” Roman exclaims.

“Hmm…” Thomas hums, looking at Deceit suspiciously.

“Sometimes, it’s just a matter of self-control. Bad Deceit. Oh, sorry, Deceit,” Deceit says after playfully slapping himself on the hand. Given the chance, Virgil would like to punch him in the face instead. “I’m just kidding.”

“Well, I guess there are different shades of blue and yellow and red in it,” Thomas mutters, while he’s inspecting his shirt. “So, that was not a good test to lead with.”

“Okay, Thomas, even if he can tell the truth, that doesn’t mean he can be trusted,” Virgil pleads because he needs to. He needs to get Thomas to understand just how dangerous Deceit can be when he wants to. Virgil has no clue what he is planning but it can’t be good. He needs Thomas to remain cautious.

“Hm, you’re right,” Thomas thankfully agrees.

“Virgil is very right. You can’t trust me! It’s not like I’m trying to _look out_ for you or anything.”

There’s a second, just a glimmer where Virgil’s mind wonders if that could be what Deceit is really trying to do. Virgil knows he tries to do just that himself, even with his capability for destruction. But it’s too big and scary a thought and Virgil chooses to push it aside for a snarky remark. It’s safer.

“Yeah, when I think of trustworthiness, I immediately think of someone who consistently disguises themselves like a member of Team Rocket,” Virgil says with a glare.

“Oh, and no one has ever done any good with dishonesty at someone else’s expense. It was pretty despicable when the Allies misled the Germans about the date and location of their D-day landings. An operation which led to the eventual liberation of Europe from Nazi control.”

Virgil is bristling. This is what Deceit does best. He directs and comes up with examples to serve his case, even if they are not even applicable. He’s about to open his mouth and argue but Thomas is already speaking.

“Alright, he can stay.”

“Hm?” Patton utters, eyes going wide and worried.

Virgil’s head snaps up. Thomas must be losing his mind if he thinks that it’s a good idea for Deceit to have a place at their discussion table.

Roman just starts laughing, loudly and boisterously. When he notices Thomas’ expression, it disappears as quickly as it arrived.

“Wait, seriously?” Roman asks. Virgil wants to echo that sentiment.

“Sounds like he’s against Nazis, so… why not hear him out? You know?” Thomas asks, like any of that is a reasonable process of thought.

Virgil misses Logan immensely in that moment.

“That… cannot be where the bar is!” Virgil growling, angry and astonished. Thomas is falling for this whole thing.

“Well, the bar for skipping an important opportunity should be higher than a… social engagement,” Deceit says and looks right at Virgil.

It’s an obvious dig and it shouldn’t hurt but it does. How many times has Virgil used his anxiety to keep Thomas from going to social engagements? He doesn’t like them, doesn’t know how to act and react and as a result he can make Thomas overthink and skip out.

“Come on, a wedding is more than just a social engagement,” Patton argues.

And it is. Weddings are important, even if Virgil doesn’t particularly like them. He likes that Thomas is happy and Thomas is generally happy when he’s spending time with his friends.

“He knows that,” Virgil says and shoots Deceit yet another glare.

“Do you want the part in the movie or not?” Deceit asks and it’s like time stops.

Everything hangs tense and silent for a beat.

“I mean…” Thomas says, looking guilty already.

The emotions hit Virgil with such a force that he almost doubles over. He schools his expression before it can be seen but that’s a lot of guilt, and a lot of desire on top of that. Thomas is torn. He feels like he’s being torn apart.

“Do you want the part or not?” Deceit repeats.

“Of course, he does!” Roman exclaims because Thomas’ can’t find his tongue.

The words ring out loud and clear. Of course, Roman is in the driver’s seat on this one. He’s Thomas’ desires and this callback situation is one of his literal dreams. He would be crushed not to go.

“Thomas made a commitment to be there for his friends’ commitment. It would be wrong for him to go back on that,” Patton says, voice of Thomas’ inner morals. Friendships are his area of expertise and Virgil is happy to have at least one voice that sounds infallible in his own beliefs.

“Wrong?” Deceit challenges.

“Yeah!” Patton says without hesitation.

“Yeah…” Thomas echoes, but it’s weak. Faltering.

He isn’t sure, not like Patton. Virgil wants to help but he’s just watching this thing unfold, paralyzed.

“Deceit standing in the spot of one of my four best friends!” Patton says and it’s a simple sentence, an admission that Virgil isn’t the only one that misses Logan’s steadying presence. It’s also a reminder that Patton really does consider him one of his best friends.

Patton and Logan butt heads almost more often than they agree on things but they balance each other out. Logan is needed right now because Deceit is purposely putting Patton more off balance. He needs the counterweight that Logan brings.

“Why would that be wrong?” Deceit asks innocently, even if he is the last thing but.

“Because Thomas gave his word, but you wouldn’t know anything about words, would you, mister?” Patton challenges and there’s a surge up in him, one that none of them see often.

Patton isn’t combative, not when he can help it, but something is shifting around them as they speak. It’s Deceit’s presence and Virgil wants nothing more than to kick him back to the dark corner where he normally resides.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Deceit says.

“Giving your word is an act of honest between-” Patton starts to explain before he’s cut off.

“What? I can’t understand you. I don’t know anything about words,” Deceit says mockingly. Virgil really wants to punch him again. He can’t behave like this to Patton. He shouldn’t even be allowed to talk to the bright and bubbly Side.

“Okay. Alright. We got a smart aleck over here, huh?” Patton asks, pushing his glasses up on his nose.

“I mean… things come up, you know?” Roman says. “If Thomas’ aunt Patty were in the hospital, then he would get a free pass to miss the wedding. Why should it be any different when something good comes up?”

Anger flares up in Virgil, hot and burning and he can’t control his outburst, even if he’s tried his best to temper them lately.

“Are you seriously siding with Deceit?” he asks Roman and he hopes the betrayal and disbelief is audible in his voice.

They can’t do that. Deceit isn’t even the worst of the others but it matters if they give him power. Siding with him will bring imbalance to Thomas in the worst way. Virgil thought he could count on his three friends, Roman in particular, to always stick to the light and righteous side.

“Are you seriously so close-minded to think that everything said by someone you don’t like is automatically untrue? This is a big deal for Thomas!” Roman says, excitedly. Really, it means that it’s a very big deal to Roman. To Thomas’ ego. “Maybe Mary and Lee will understand.”

“Uh, it’s actually Mary Lee and Lee,” Thomas corrects meekly. He’s looking more and more unsure with every moment that passes.

Virgil knows that Roman knows their names, which means that he’s probably only saying it wrong to try to put distance between them and Thomas. Like he has already made his mind up about what he wants to happen.

“Not confusing at all,” Deceit quips.

“Roman, this is their big day! We have to be there for them,” Patton says adamantly.

Virgil can count on Patton here. He’s always the Side that has been the fondest of Thomas’ friends. He holds them so close to heart and he would do anything – or rather make Thomas do anything for them. So much of Patton is built up from the love and affection he gives and receives from Thomas’ friends.

“We don’t _have_ to do anything. But if you think they’d be cross about your absence… I didn’t mind Roman’s little aunt Patty in the hospital excuse,” Deceit says, casually, but it’s anything but.

Lying.

It always comes back to lying with this guy. Virgil isn’t surprised.

“Oh! I mean, well, I wasn’t-” Roman starts, and to his defense, he does look a little unsure.

“No, lying is already bad enough!” Patton says, confidently, and everyone ignores Deceit as he gasps. “Lying to a friend is out of the question!”

It’s comforting to hear Patton be sure about something. It’s grounding in a way Virgil needs right now because he’s about to implode into himself if he lets Deceit get the better of him. He’s digging his nails into his palms.

Voices are overlapping in Virgil’s head as his heart starts to race. They’re arguing. Roman and Deceit sound similar. Too similar. It’s unnerving.

“Wow, guys, it’s so cool how you never listen to Roman,” Deceit says.

It’s obvious what he’s doing. He’s sowing seeds of dispute between them. He’s manipulating Roman, making him feel like no one listens to him or pays him any attention and it’s one of Roman’s biggest worries. Deceit knows that because he sees weaknesses just as easily as Virgil does.

“Why is he still here?” Virgil growls out. His heart is racing too fast and his head starts pounding now too. A quick look at Thomas confirms the reason why.

“Why am I still here?” Roman questions, sounding offended. It’s already started. The dispute is building.

“Wow…” Deceit hums.

“I meant Deceit!” Virgil clarifies, but it’s angry and too sharp.

Thomas is spiraling into his thoughts. He’s overthinking and Virgil never felt good when he does that. Normally, he’s inside of Thomas’ head when it happens. He has more control in there. He feels less like a person than he does when he’s outside of it.

He feels vulnerable out here, raw and exposed, with a threat off to his left in the place where he usually has a logical and grounding Side instead. Tremors rake through his body but he forces it not to show, hides it from the others so they don’t see.

“Whose underwear is this?” Patton asks, maybe trying to distract from all the tension he feels building up in the room.

“I mean…” Thomas says, and the whole room stops. They are always so sensitive to Thomas. He’s the boss. “It’s not really _hurting_ my friends if they think I’m gone for a better reason.”

Virgil’s heart drops. His skin is still crawling. This can’t be happening. Thomas is listening to Deceit.

“Not hurting them?” Patton asks, sounding a little heartbroken.

“Better reason? Hitchcoppolucas, director of Psycho-Godfather-Wars!” Roman argues, completely missing the point as usual.

“What is this wacky talk? You don’t mean any of this. I’m your morality, I wouldn’t be here if you did,” Patton says, but his confidence from before is faltering now. It’s barely noticeable but it’s there at the slight pause in-between words. Patton is trying to say them as if they are an acknowledged truth but there’s a worry underneath that it’s not.

“Right, right. Yeah, you’re right. I… I don’t mean that,” Thomas says and rubs his forehead. Turmoil rises in Virgil again. Overthinking. Paranoia. Fear.

It closes up Virgil’s throat and all he can really do is watch as all of them bicker. If he loses grip on the anxiety right now, Thomas will get hurt. He’s never going to let him get hurt again.

“And Roman, I thought you fought for honor! Why are you pushing Thomas to be dishonest?” Patton argues.

“Yeesh! I would have stayed in my room if I knew Dad was going to take us on a guilt trip,” Roman says, like a petulant child.

“Do you know who else is here?” Deceit asks, and Virgil knows where this is going. He clenches his fists and glares the best he’s got. “Me! So perhaps Thomas isn’t so innocent!” Deceit ads with theatrical gasp.”

“Well, nobody’s perfect…” Patton states, but then something in him shifts, flaring up bright and protective, “except for Thomas! He loves his friends!”

“You can defend him all you like-” Deceit says and then the whole world tilts.

The change comes too quickly for Virgil to prepare. It’s been too long since they’ve all been in the Mind Palace and it’s the first time that Deceit has ever made one up. It spells trouble, Virgil thinks again. The Side in charge of the Mind Palace has more power in here, over the others, and no one can put a stop to this except for the Side in charge or Thomas himself.

“-but you can’t change the facts.”

“Oh my gosh,” Patton mutters.

“Is Thomas an innocent little lamb?” Deceit says, pulling Thomas into the Mind Palace, changing his clothes all the while. “Let’s let them be the judge of that.”

With that Virgil feels himself thrown and moved and he hates the feeling when any of the other Sides exert powers over him. Deceit doing it in particular leaves a feeling of dread expanding in his gut.

“Oh, I can _do_ judgy!” Roman says happily, like an idiot who hasn’t yet fathomed just how bad news this is for everyone involved.

They are playing after Deceit’s rules now, entirely, and Virgil wouldn’t trust that snake as far as he could throw him. He’s making up a courtroom, something that Thomas will inherently feel is the place to get to the truth, but it’s not going to be the genuine truth that they will find here – not as long as it’s Deceit leading them.

This is a bad thing. Virgil feels out for his own powers but they’re suppressed by Deceit and all he can feel for certain is growing ball of anxiety that he can’t let go off, unless he wants to hurt Thomas.

“We are back in the Mind Palace, and that means I can summon… anything,” Patton says, just as happily, summoning a bowl of butterfingers. Normally, Virgil would be endeared by it.

But right now, he wants to smack both Roman and Patton on the backs of their heads and tell them to focus on the very real issue at hand.

“I’m too emotionally unstable for jury duty. Can I be excused?” Virgil tries, even if he knows that it will be denied.

It doesn’t matter that in real life, a jury’s duty of deciding the innocence would be a favorable position to hold. None of it will matter in here. Virgil will have no real say, and he’s not fooled by the fact that Deceit has placed him on this bench. It’s all an illusion of influence.

“Oh, come now, Virgil. Jury duty is so much fun!” Deceit exclaims happily and he’s practically glowing in here.

Glowing with power.

“My butterfingers!” Patton exclaims, dropping his bowl.

“Hopefully, he’s better at defending than he is at…” Deceit says, summoning another bowl of those lost sweets from behind Patton’s ear, already butting up Patton too, “existing.”

“I hope so too,” Patton says, eyes following Deceit, and looking a little mesmerized as he’s knocking a stray butterfingers out of his ear.

“I’m a little confused as to what this is all about,” Thomas says and Virgil is almost glad he’s not the only one experiencing whiplash from the living room to Mind Palace transition, only he wouldn’t ever wish this kind of thing on Thomas.

“Basically, Deceit is trying to prove that you care more about yourself than your friends, but don’t worry, kiddo, we’ll show him,” Patton says and there’s just a tad too much cheer in his voice. He’s compensation for Thomas’ lack of enthusiasm.

“Okay…” Thomas says, and he sounds so fragile. “Cool. I mean, you’ve never steered me wrong before, right?”

But Patton has. They all have. Virgil has learned that none of them are as infallible as they would like to believe. Since existing outside of Thomas’ head so much, they’re all becoming more and more human and as such, their inherent flaws seem to intensify too.

“Does everyone understand their parts?” Deceit asks.

“I broke my gavel,” Roman declares. He’s had it less than a minute. Virgil is not surprised that it’s already broken.

“I don’t care. Wonderful!” Deceit says. “Now, could we have the honorable Justice Roman read off the charges please?”

“Oh,” Roman says with a chuckle and it is so blatant flattery that Virgil rolls his eyes. The worst part is that Roman is falling for it. “Well, all right. The State of Thomas Sanders v. Thomas Sanders, in the name and by the authority of the State of Thomas Sanders: Deceit, prosecuting for the State of Thomas Sanders, under oath, information makes that: THOMAS SANDERS: Count I: Did unlawfully and rudely conspire to waive support of Lee and Mary Lee who were then and there characterized as "friends.” Count II: Did unlawfully and with malice aforethought falsely impersonate a better person. Count III: Did unlawfully and surreptitiously prioritize his own desires and designs. Count IV: Did willfully and without authorization, engage in a scheme to defraud Lee and Mary Lee. Count V: Did leave his dirty underwear all over the gosh darn floor like a gosh darn animal!”

“I’m sorry… what was that last one?” Thomas asks confused.

“Yeah, the underwear couldn’t be Thomas’. He would never-” Patton argues, already ready to fight tooth and nail for Thomas, even if he would never condone violence.

“Objection!” Roman shouts. “I can confirm that Thomas does leave his filthy underwear on the floor after tearing them off the moment his guests leave the house!”

“That’s…” Thomas starts, about to deny it, but it really has no point here. They all know it’s true, at least that is a simple truth with a definitive answer, “-true.”

“Objection!” Virgil says with his hand raised because he has to try. Thomas doesn’t feel good and every time he rubs the bridge of his nose, a painful flare shoots through Virgil. “Judges don’t object!”

“Objection,” Deceit counters, like Virgil knew he would. “Neither can the jury.”

“Well, that settles it. Thomas is guilty,” Roman says, and pounds the broken gavel against the wood of his desk.

“What are you- the jury decides if he’s guilty!” Virgil argues because someone has to try to obtain the logic here in Logan’s absence. Whatever. It’s not like he could do a good enough job of that even if he tried. “What am I doing? I don’t care.”

The words are more directed at himself than anyone else. It’s better not to care. It’s better not to get too deeply involved with Deceit’s schemes because that’s how he really gets you. You should never try to wrestle with a pig in the mud, because it will just leave you exhausted and dirty while the pig gets a lovely tumble in its mud bath.

“Okay. Well, that sucks! What does the judge even do?” Roman complains, as if he had been cast in a supporting role instead of one of the main ones.

“His best!” Patton says happily while shooting Roman two thumbs.

There’s a flash of something, pure positive love and affection, but it’s squashed out almost as soon as it arrives. Virgil wonders if the other two are even aware of the kind of damper that Deceit is currently putting on their powers.

“I know it’s a lot to ask, but just keep reading,” Deceit prompts.

“Underwear aside,” Roman continues. “Being so charged, Thomas Sanders, how do you plead?”

“Not guilty!” Patton says loudly.

“Not… guilty?” Thomas says and it is like he has to pry the words out of his mouth with dental pliers.

“Oh! Said with the confidence of a man who has his hands stuck in the cookie jar, in the cookie factory, and his pants are down, and they’re on fire,” Deceit says, pleased and with a smug expression on his face.

“We get it,” Thomas snaps, and touches his temples.

Another flare of pain and nerves and confusion. It’s a dangerous mix of cocktails and Virgil clenches his jaw and just glares. Keep it in. He can keep it in for Thomas.

Deceit cackles.

“Uh, Prosecution. Your opening statement?” Roman asks.

“The only thing opening should be Thomas’ mouth because he’s about to be served his just desserts,” Deceit says.

“Oh, actually, I just learned, from a podcast, that ‘just desserts’ has nothing to do with the dessert we eat,” Thomas says, and for a moment it’s like Logan is back. Virgil knows the podcast, it’s one that Logan found for him. It’s comforting to know that Thomas’ logic can never truly be forced away. “It’s actually-”

“Ugh! Alright. Listen, listen,” Roman interrupts and Virgil shoots him the stink eye. “Logan’s not here. So, let’s act like it. Alright, Defense.”

Virgil really wishes that the two of them would get over that riff between them. Roman and Logan need each other too.

“I would just like to say that I am rubber, you’re glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. That is all.”

“Curses!” Deceit says with a raised fist.

“That was brutal, dude. That was brutal,” Roman acknowledges. “Prosecution, your first witness.”

Virgil feels like he’s slowly losing his sanity.

“I would like to call Logan to the stand,” Deceit says and as soon as the words are out of his mouth, there’s a surge in the room and Logan appears on the witness stand.

“A…ffidavit!” Logan says, surprised and appearing with the thousand-page long book that he was busy with while everyone else appeared in the living room.

“Logan!” Patton calls, pointing at himself and smiling proudly. He is always happy to see Logan appear. “I’m a lawyer now.”

“Wait a minute,” Logan says and takes in the room. “You guys are doing a courtroom scenario… without me? Unacceptable!”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have been impersonated. Did you ever think about that?” Roman says, as if that is a legitimate thing that a person chooses to happen to them.

Virgil is still terrified of the day that Deceit shows up as him and makes everyone lose trust in him, or worse, spills his secret.

“Impersonated? AH! Deceit!” Logan says, only now noticing the unfamiliar Side.

“Yeah, yeah,” Thomas says.

“We know!” Roman shouts.

“Can’t say I’m happy about it,” Patton adds weakly.

“Who do you think impersonated you?” Roman asks, like it was self-evident, which to be fair it was.

“You know?” Logan asks confused and looks around the room at them. He looks like he doesn’t understand anything.

Virgil shares that sentiment.

“I know…” Virgil says, resting his head in his hand. Everything hurts. He has little hope that Logan can make it better, as much as he’d want him to.

“Why is he still here?” Logan asks, always with the logical questions up front.

“He doesn’t like Nazis,” Thomas says with a shrug, like that explains anything.

It didn’t the first time, but it makes even less sense out of context.

“That… can’t be where the bar is,” Logan says, and for a moment Virgil feels a sense of pride.

Logan had come to him asking for help about words and phrases for his slang and language flashcards. That had been one of them. It had also been exactly what Virgil had said when they first brought up this ridiculous notion.

“Guess he does know some idioms,” Roman says, mildly surprised.

“The enemy of my enemy is… my friend?” Thomas tries. It’s a bad try.

“And that is always true, without exception,” Deceit jumps in, planting more seeds in everyone’s minds.

Logan swaps the book in his hand for a notebook with his pen poised and ready. Virgil hopes that Logan can at least remain somewhat protected behind his logic, even if he has a lot more feeling than he’s willing to admit to. Deceit will sniff out his weakness too. He always does.

“All right, go on,” Roman says.

“Let’s just get this out of the way for everyone,” Deceit says and reveals his extra arms.

He didn’t need to do it like that, he could just magic the bibles to everyone’s location here in the Mind Palace but he’s always had a flair for dramatics. Virgil hates that he notices that the books that they have to swear on are different for everyone.

He tries to ignore it, because it’s just another trick, a way to mellow them out even more. The collection of Grimm’s Fairy Tales hover next to him but there’s no way he’s touching that book, even if it is a favorite of his.

“Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth under pains and penalties of perjury? I know I do,” Deceit says with a deceitful smile that says much more about him than his words.

“I do,” Logan says.

“I do,” Roman says.

“I do,” Patton says.

“Whatever,” Virgil grumbles, still hunched forward in his seat and adamantly ignoring the book. He will not play but this tyrant’s rules, even if he has to be the only one to hold a stand.

“I do,” Thomas agrees, and Virgil wants to shout at him that he shouldn’t play along either.

But Deceit has them all wrapped around his little finger and Virgil is powerless to stop it.

“Okay, so, we kiss now or…?” Patton says adorably. His eyes scan around the room, a little confused but seemingly content with the idea that this somehow meant that he married them all.

“So, you are Thomas’ stinky poo poo side, correct?” Deceit asks.

“What?! No!” Logan shouts, almost as loud as when he’s yelling _falsehood_. “I am Thomas’ logical Side.”

“Oh, right, of course, but that’s kind of an oversimplification. You see to a lot more than just ensuring that Thomas is thinking logically,” Deceit says, and there it is again. The flattery. Virgil seethes in his seat, but he tries to remain apathic.

They are in this now, whether they want to be or not and he has no choice but to see how it plays out.

“Do I?” Logan says with a snort. “I do. Yes.”

“We’ll come back to that. Are you aware of Thomas’ callback for the new Alfred Hitchcoppolucas film as well as the wedding that shares the callback’s scheduled date?” Deceit asks.

“I am,” Logan confirms.

“Do you think some logic could be employed to assist with this dilemma?” Deceit asks, and it’s just another nudge, another manipulation.

He knows how Logan hates when he feels like he’s being pushed out and like none of them are listening to him. It’s a big sore spot for him, and Deceit is telling him all the things he wants to hear to soothe that area.

“Yes, there’s always room for me,” Logan says with a laugh that develops into a cough. “Sorry, there was something in my throat there.”

Virgil perks up at that. He wouldn’t put it past the deceitful Side to actually stuff something down Logan’s throat to keep him quiet.

“I know, that’s what I said,” Deceit says, “but Patton insisted we leave you alone.”

There’s a flash of real hurt in Logan’s face, as his eyes find Patton’s. Virgil senses the change in the air, the fear of being rejected and cast aside by someone he secretly admires. It’s another one of Logan’s worries. Him and Patton have an odd relationship and they still doubt each other at times, and now Deceit is trying to forcefully tear them further apart.

“Objection! Misleading the witness!” Patton shouts, in a heartbroken sort of way.

He hates this as much as Logan does, because he would never want the logical Side to think that he wasn’t wanted at the discussion table. He looks up to Logan so immensely that it borders on hero worship at times.

“I’m gonna allow it,” Roman says.

“Why?” Thomas exclaims.

“I mean, did you see Logan’s face?” Roman asks, chuckling and hiding behind his hand. Patton shoots him his parent glare and Roman thankfully changes his tune. Mostly. “Alright, alright, alright, you’re right. No lying, Deceit. Come on, even if it’s funny. Don’t, don’t, don’t, uh-huh… I might! Don’t do it.”

Roman is coming off the rails. Virgil grumbles and sneers.

“Apologies,” Deceit says but he’s not sounding sorry at all. “So, Logan, what does Logic have to say on this matter?”

“Well, Thomas has more to lose if he misses the wedding,” Logan says and that catches Virgil unaware.

Deceit too it would seem. “What? How?!”

“Up until very recently, this callback didn’t even exist to Thomas. Therefore, missing this opportunity is akin to him never having gotten the callback in the first place. There’s no real impact,” Logan says. “I find that Thomas winning the callback… winning the callback? Is that how that should be phrased?”

Deceit lets out a chuckle. “Yes.”

“Thomas winning the callback is highly improbable,” Logan says.

Roman glares at Logan but no one sees it but Virgil who is trying to pay close attention to everyone while pretending like he doesn’t care at all. This is one of the reasons that Roman still makes fun of Logan so often. Logan’s blunt dismissal of Roman’s plans of grandeur cuts deep for the creative Side.

“What does he lose if he misses the wedding?” Deceit asks, clearly trying to recalibrate his approach. 

“Potentially his friends. I found that Thomas’ friends mean a great deal to him,” Logan says and that earns a soft smile from Patton. At least, some things have gotten better.

“Sure. But what are _your_ thoughts on the matter?” Deceit asks, still pandering to Logan.

Virgil has half a mind to walk up to the witness stand and shake Logan by the shoulders just to make sure that he doesn’t actually let any of this affect him.

“Well, Thomas has several friends and they all tend to distract him from his responsibilities… so, perhaps two less isn’t so bad.”

Patton is quiet but he looks gutted. Logan is keeping his eyes off him, probably for that exact reason. So much for common ground in understanding that Thomas’ friends are vital for his mental health.

“I feel like ‘which event could cost us more to miss?’ is a less interesting question than ‘which event has more to offer us?’. Don’t you?” Deceit asks, always spinning the situation to the way that it benefits him the best.

“I don’t feel anything,” Logan says, mostly without any intonation in his voice.

But it’s a lie and it’s such an obvious one when you’re paying attention. Virgil could see it from a mile away. Deceit sees it too.

“Oh, of course, you don’t,” Deceit says, almost patronizing.

“That said,” Logan says, just a tad too loudly, forcing himself back on track and on the task at hand – always diving away from the talk of feelings that he doesn’t understand, “the callback has more to offer. The only thing the wedding has to offer Thomas is a potential increase in depression,” Logan continues, and Virgil can’t really argue with that one, it’s his area of expertise. “Whereas, this film _could_ radically shift Thomas’ trajectory in life. A huge reward from an opportunity that, statistically, Thomas won’t get again. Not with legendary auteur Alfred Hitchcoppolucas as director.”

“And if you want to talk statistics, half of all marriages end in divorce, so-” Deceit says, looking smug.

“Actually, that’s an outdated statistic,” Logan says, confidently, back in his familiar corner of expertise. He touches the frames of his glasses just for a beat. “Divorce rates have been declining for the past 35 years-”

“Earlier,” Deceit says, keen to interrupt and not let Logan’s attention slip, “you mentioned that you have responsibilities other than Thomas’ logical thinking. Would you please name a few for the court?”

“Let’s see. I am the primary overseer of Thomas’ language center. I am the director of activities for Thomas’ right arm.”

“Just the right?” Deceit asks, confused.

“The left arm is managed by Roman,” Logan admits, regrettably.

Roman has never been able to resist a challenge, even one that wasn’t intended as one. He lifts Thomas’ left arm, despite Thomas’ protests, even going as far as using Thomas’ hand to flipping off Logan.

“AH! Roman!” Thomas says in his scolding voice.

“It’s real mature, Your Honor,” Logan says, and he sounds done with the fanciful Side’s antics.

“It was Exhibit B for ‘bird’ after Exhibit A for ‘ayyy, look at this nerd!’. Looks like I’m guilty of arson because I just burned you,” Roman says, sounding unreasonably proud of himself.

“There’s also my passion project…” Logan continues, entirely ignoring Roman, “the development of a life management system in order to form a more productive, punctual Thomas.”

“You ensure that Thomas is punctual?” Deceit asks.

“I make an effort. I keep a daily planner and a calendar, both of which are used to record important events,” Logan says, proudly.

Virgil has a bad feeling about this. Granted, he has a bad feeling about a lot of things but this whole situation seems particularly hairy. Deceit is a manipulator and he’s going to use Logan to do it.

“How is that working out for you?” Deceit asks.

“It isn’t,” Logan admits.

“Hmm. Do you recall when Thomas was informed about the… wedding thing?” Deceit asks.

Virgil knows it’s his job in this role but he’s getting really tired of his endless questions.

“I do. It was six months, four days, three hours and one minute ago,” Logan says, ever the precise logical Side.

Virgil is feeling restless energy, and he can’t stop how his eyes flashes around the room. Something is up and it’s about to come bite them all in their asses. He wants to bolt out of his seat, just tear himself away from this simulation in the Mind Palace, even knowing how much it would hurt him to do that. It would hurt Thomas too.

“So, he’s known for a while. And when did Thomas hear about this callback?” Deceit asks.

“Two hours, 15 minutes, 45 seconds, 46 seconds, 47 seconds-” Logan says, too precise this time.

“Today!” Roman interrupts.

“Today,” Logan confirms.

“Good, good,” Deceit says. “For the record of the court, what day is the wedding?”

“It was April 13th,” Logan says.

He doesn’t seem to catch the use of past tense but Virgil does. He’s talking about it like it’s always an occurrence that has passed, one that is no longer relevant. Oh, no.

“And would you mind sharing with the court what you have scheduled in your calendar for that day?” Deceit asks.

“Not at all,” Logan says and summons his calendar.

Patton gasps but unfortunately, Virgil isn’t surprised to see that CALLBACK is written across the date where the wedding should have been. It’s circled too. He’s not sure when in the last two hours that Logan changed it. It’s not something he would have to manually do; it would just be something that he registered as the acknowledgement of an event reached Thomas. It could have been overwritten the second Thomas got the call about the callback, or it could have been done in the last few minutes with Deceit making Logan turn over everything in his head and evaluate why the callback might have the possibility for bigger gain.

“Uh-oh! Where’s the wedding?” Deceit asks, like he hadn’t seen this coming from a mile away.

“He tampered with the evidence!” Thomas argues, frantically and worried, while he points at Deceit, who just laughs.

Thomas isn’t wrong, not really, but Deceit didn’t tamper with the evidence as much as Virgil suspects that he tampered with the Side responsible for that particular piece of evidence.

“Objection! That is…” Patton says and then his voice falters, “bad for my case?”

“Patton, I hate to break it to you, but…” Roman says, sympathetically, “ you know, that’s kind of his job.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think that would work… and it didn’t,” Patton says, but he doesn’t sound too defeated. Just a little.

He’s out of his depth here. It’s clear to see that Virgil isn’t the only one who feels like he’s falling apart, and he even gets to sit on the sidelines while the others argue.

Sweet Patton is caught up in the middle of it, spearheading Thomas’ defense and he has to do it all alone. It is no easy position to be in.

“I can’t believe you’re letting Patton be one of the lawyers. He doesn’t…” Logan says, disbelief making his voice tremble as he over-gesticulates like he always does when he feels on edge. “He doesn’t even know the rules.”

“I know the rules, and it looks like it’s time for us to make a plea bargain,” Patton says.

Virgil has a feeling that doesn’t mean what he thinks it means.

“What? What does that mean? Patton!” Thomas calls out in a whisper. It wouldn’t matter if he shouted it from the top of his lungs.

Here in the Mind Palace they can all hear everything, which is why Virgil has to keep quiet. Deceit would be able to hear anything he would try to say as a word of warning to the others.

Patton strolls up to the witness stands and banishes a butterfingers that he tossed right at Logan before he can even get a word out.

“Oh, no, thank you,” Logan tries to dismiss but Patton has already tossed it and it lands right in Logan’s face.

“’Plea’ change the calendar?”

“Objection!” Deceit calls. “I’m sorry, but that’s bribing the witness.”

Virgil can’t really argue with that one. Patton is not exactly doing great, even if he is still trying his best.

“And harmful for your teeth,” Logan mutters, lifting the discarded sweet in his hand. He’s holding it like it’s a dangerous substance and not just a mostly harmless candy.

“Oh, no! I wasn’t trying to do that. I was just trying to… um…” Patton says, realizing that this probably wasn’t the best way to go about it, or maybe he foolishly thought that Logan would listen to him _just because_ , “sweeten the deal?”

“Wow! Thomas, it seems these days your moral compass is pointed south… towards Hell!” Deceit shouts, looking straight at Patton.

“Lemony Cricket and Jiminy Snicket! That one was just hurtful!” Patton says, and his whole body looks uncomfortable.

Patton hides behind silly nicknames but at least he’s voicing his feelings. Virgil hopes that counts as progress in regard to the emotion repression.

“He’s clearly manipulating the witness into doing what he thinks is best. Wait a minute. Who was it that was called a Scooby-Doo villain for doing the _exact_ same thing? Oh, yeah, that was me… disguised as Patton.”

Virgil is staring at Deceit, maliciously and if his glares could kill, Deceit would drop dead where he was sitting. This is not the same thing. He knows it’s not the same thing. Virgil might not have a completely handle on Deceit and he might even be willing to admit that there could be something more than just a measly liar in him but right now that is all he’s seeing portrayed.

He’s seeing a master manipulator in action and all of them act like his puppets. He has to speak up, he has to remind them that this isn’t a fair and even playing field. The game is rigged, and they cannot win.

“So, he didn’t want to play by the rules of your game. Big deal!” Virgil spits out. “This whole thing is probably rigged anyway. It was set up by a liar!”

“Takes a liar, to know a liar,” Deceit says.

Virgil hates that he can recognize the manipulation but he still feels hurt by it. Virgil probably has more soft spots than anyone else in this room, and Deceit knows just how to poke at them too. He could lay him bare, expose him. Frankly, it’s astonishing that it hasn’t happened yet.

“Ohh! This guy’s good,” Roman says.

“He just said that he was a liar!” Patton argues and Virgil would be proud of him for that if he wasn’t trying to make sure he doesn’t hurl all over all of them.

He doesn’t feel good. He feels pushed into a corner.

“I didn’t say ‘liar’, I said… ‘lawyer’. Totally different,” Deceit says, clearly proud of himself for that line.

“Will you let Patton make his case!” Virgil shout, anger and fear flashing simultaneously and spiking the anxiety in Thomas. Virgil catches a glance of him out of the corner of his eye, and how he jolts just slightly.

“Your Honor, will you control the one angry man over there?” Deceit says, still playing the funny man and pandering to Roman all the while.

Roman starts laughing, as predicted. “One angry man? That’s so good. That’s… that’s rich.”

“I thought you’d like that one,” Deceit says with a cunning smile.

Virgil feels his agitation grow even stronger and he resorts to hiding in his hoodie. It’s a blatant tactic to try to comfort himself and it reveals too much about his mental state to the snake in the room but he can’t just sit still and take it.

What good it is to be able recognize that someone is manipulating you, when you feel powerless to do anything about it?

“Logan, remember that thing about when you said it doesn’t make much of a difference if Thomas misses the callback?” Patton asks, potentially picking up that Virgil is not so subtly falling apart in the corner.

“Yes,” Logan confirms, after clicking his tongue.

“That… was good. I liked that, so I just wanted to bring that back up for the jury,” Patton says.

Virgil just stares at him and releases the breath that he’s holding. He has so many things that he wants to say to Patton, like the fact that this is a mock courtroom and none of the rules actually matter. Virgil will have no say in the final verdict, not really.

If he did, he would be willing to just vote in Patton and Thomas’ favor in a heartbeat. He hopes that Patton knows that and doesn’t hold him accountable when eventually he will have to vote the other way. Deceit is a pretty much unstoppable machine when he gets rolling and he’s never had this much control before.

Right now, he has the four Sides that are stronger than him normally, in a vice grip. He’s growing in Thomas’ consciousness and taking up more and more space. Things will be different from now on. Deceit will have the capabilities to grow and Virgil is scared what he will grow into.

“And that’s all I got!” Patton says and walks away backwards.

Thomas looks on in disbelief.

“Oof,” Logan utters under his breath.

“If you say so. You accomplished nothing!” Roman calls out, and Virgil would have to agree.

This is a shitshow, and Patton is falling apart, much like Thomas.

“Well, that… could have gone worse, right? Could that have gone worse?” Thomas asks, pleading.

He wants Patton to have all the answers but Virgil has never seen Patton look this lost before. Usually, he puts up a brave face against any challenge – except for spiders – but right now, he’s letting his vulnerability shine though.

“I’m sorry, Thomas,” Patton says, touching his face, to hide behind it or ground himself, Virgil doesn’t know.

There’s a pain again, even if this time it’s coming from Patton. Patton doesn’t usually get anxious, it’s not his style even when he’s running high on emotions but he’s getting there right now.

He’s trying to think and trying to help and he’s coming up short. Virgil knows how devastating a blow that can be.

“Oh, hey, buddy, no, it’s okay. You’ll figure it out,” Thomas says, always so trusting in everyone. Too trusting, at times.

“I don’t know if I will,” Patton admits in a small voice.

“Hmm, come on. You don’t mean that,” Thomas insists, and now he’s feeling anxious too. Well, more anxious than he was already.

“I have no idea what I’m doing,” Patton says, plain as day. It was clear to see to anyone who was paying attention but Thomas has always watched Patton with a specific type of rose-tinted glasses and Virgil isn’t sure he has properly grasped the situation yet.

“Sure, you do. Come on. This is like a frickin’ courtroom where the truth comes to… hang out, and that’s what you stand for!” Thomas says, and he’s grasping at straws now instead. “Truth!”

“But I don’t know what’s true at this point. I just know what I _want to_ be true. I want to believe that you’re an honest person but… Deceit is right. He’s here and that means something.”

Virgil hates this but Patton is right. It means something every time a Side gets strong enough to manifest. It means something that Thomas hasn’t kicked Deceit out yet. It means that he’s beginning to acknowledge him as part of him too. Deceit might already have a foot in the door and it’s only a matter of time before he comes barging through. 

“Are you serious? I… I’ve been following your lead this whole time. I’m in the dark here, Patton, and I need something to light my way!” Thomas pleads and he’s getting desperate now.

Patton looks heartbroken and as powerless as Virgil feels.

“I’m sorry… but I don’t know the way,” Patton admits.

It’s a big admission for him. It’s not something Patton might have admitted before, when he always thought he had to be perfect and never feel lost or sad.

“I don’t want to be a bad person,” Thomas says, more to himself than Patton, but of course Patton hears. They all hear it.

Logan, Roman and Deceit are watching the two of them silently, just like Virgil are doing. At Thomas’ words, something in Patton flips. It is almost visible how Patton pulls himself together with a stern look of determination. He would always put on a brave face for Thomas, if needed, even though Virgil fears that it interferes with Patton in the worst way possible. Patton would do anything to Thomas, even hurting himself.

“Okay, then I’ll do whatever I can to make sure you’re not,” Patton promises.

“All right, Logan. You can go,” Roman announces.

“I implore you to reconsider my involvement in this scenario,” Logan implores. His voice is steady and void of emotion but he doesn’t seem happy at all to have been excluded, even if it was more Deceit’s work than any of the other four people in the room.

“I mean, we already have our roles,” Roman says while waving around his hands.

“I’m afraid this is a benched trial for you,” Deceit says, too smugly, plucking Logan from the witness stand and tossing him to the back of the courtroom.

The farthest he could put him without actually tossing him fully out. Virgil wouldn’t allow him to make Logan leave the room fully, they all need him here. His hold on Logan strains against Deceit’s desire to make him vanish from the Mind Palace entirely. The fight goes unnoticed by everyone else.

“Really?” Logan complains, his voice almost echoing.

He’s hurting deep down, under the annoyance. Virgil feels it but he can’t do anything more to help. He’s already trying to destabilize Deceit’s control as much as possible. He can hold him in check just enough for him not to have full power here.

“I’d like to call my next witness to the stand. Virgil.”

Virgil is not going to play along with this. It was only going to turn out worse. He isn’t sure why anyone was entertaining this liar, but then again, he isn’t sure if they were all aware that every single one of them had already been wrapped up in his web.

They are helplessly caught and struggling would only ensure that they would get more tangled.

He does the mature thing and blows out a raspberry. Deceit can go fuck himself.

“Very well. You don’t usually have anything helpful to add anyway,” Deceit says and there it is, that perfect push on just the right button.

Virgil hates that it works, because it does.

He teleports himself to the witness stand but he tries to exude with his whole energy that he’s over this, and that he doesn’t want any part in it. Maybe, if he slouches enough, he’ll disappear into the ground.

“Okay. Ask me your questions,” Virgil demands, and he tries to brace himself. He can’t let Deceit get the upper hand, more than he already has. 

“You are in control of Thomas’ fears, are you not?” Deceit asks.

“Oh my god! We all know each other; who are these clarifications for? Cut to the chase!” Virgil shouts. It’s doing his head in, because all of this is just Deceit manipulating every single one of them.

They all know what they do for Thomas and Thomas knows it as well. Well, he knows most of it. There is still stuff about himself that he isn’t aware of. Sides he isn’t aware of. Virgil hopes he never gets to meet them, but that hope is weak knowing how much Deceit has already grown in power.

“Is it true that you once said that ‘weddings are outdated overly expensive pageantry?’” Deceit asks, mimicking Virgil’s voice to perfection.

Their voices are all so similar thanks to their preferred shape being Thomas but Virgil has always dropped his voice lower, distinguishing himself very purposefully from the others. He hates that Deceit can make it come out like that.

“Yeah, well, I also once swore to Thomas that the drink he left alone in the other room for ten seconds was definitely poisoned and, if he drank it, he would die,” Virgil says, narrowing his eyes. He knows that he’s flawed. Hell, sometimes he feels like he is mostly made of flaws. “I’m not exactly a beacon of truth.”

“So, you’ve changed your mind, then?” Deceit asks coyly.

“Next question,” Virgil says, glaring daggers at him. He can feel the other sets of eyes on him, all of his friends watching him closely but he can’t look at them. He can’t take his eyes away from Deceit for even a moment, or it might all come crumbling down.

Deceit chuckles, like he doesn’t have a care in the world.

“Very well. As Thomas’ anxiety do you have any relevant information about his norepinephrine levels in regard to these two conflicting commitments?” Deceit asks.

Virgil is under no illusion that Deceit hasn’t been reading him this whole time. He knows that Virgil feels on edge, exposed like a raw nerve because Thomas is extremely anxious and torn up about this decision that he has to make.

And as such, he won’t even entertain such a stupid question.

“I think it’s ridiculous that anyone is entertaining any of this. Guys, he’s a liar,” Virgil pleads for what feels like the millionth time. “You literally know him as Deceit.”

But Virgil knows him as someone else. He really _knows_ him. Virgil is much better acquainted with him, even though he wishes he wasn’t.

“Glass houses, Virgil,” Deceit warns. “You yourself said that you are not a beacon of truth.”

“Yeah, because I’m wrong a lot,” Virgil says, in a weak defense.

It’s different. It has to be different. Virgil is never purposely trying to mislead or manipulate Thomas. He just gets it wrong all the time when he overreacts. He’s been working on that a lot since he started to be able to appear outside of Thomas’ head. He had gotten better. He knows that he has but the way Deceit is looking at him makes it feel like he hasn’t.

“Oh, so you’ve never been reluctant to share anything with the group, then?” Deceit asks and there is it.

The thing that Deceit still holds over him. The thing Thomas knows nothing about. The thing that Virgil is still not ready to share with him because he is not ready to deal with the potential fallout. Deceit knows all of this.

“Don’t,” Virgil growls, a warning and a plea wrapped into one.

“What? I just meant your name,” Deceit says innocently, but he’s lying again. He wanted to remind Virgil that he has power over him too, even if he won’t play along like the others.

“Don’t!” Virgil repeats, banging his fist into the table and digging his nails into his palms. He couldn’t do this. He shouldn’t have come up here. Deceit is tearing him open for anyone to see. He knows Virgil’s biggest secret and Virgil still wasn’t sure why Deceit hasn’t outed him yet.

“Maybe, that’s why it’s so easy for you to recognize me for what I am. Like I said before… it takes a liar to know a liar.”

Virgil clenches his jaw and digs his fingernails into his palms harder. His heart is beating too fast. Thomas is looking restless on his chair. Deceit just had to tell the truth about Virgil and then everything would come crumbling down.

He can’t do this. He’s not made for this kind of pressure.

“Objection! He’s weaseling the witness!” Patton calls out, clearly picking up that Virgil is in the process of self-destructing.

“The correct term is ‘badgering’,” Logan informs from the backrow, still stuck and restricted, but his voice is a surge of comfort.

Patton and Logan are still looking out for him, like they have done ever since they accepted him.

Roman pounds gavel. “Order! Order in the court!” he shrieks and it’s enough that Virgil startles.

He never did well around loud and sudden noises, as it triggers something deep within him. The most basic fight or flight reflex that he tends to activate too often. Virgil kind of wants to glare at Roman, but he knows that in Roman’s own way, he’s trying to help too.

“Go ahead, Patton,” Roman continues.

Virgil wonders if the three of them would be so willing to stick up for him if the truth was out in the open. They would side with Thomas, as they should. He needs someone to look after him, even if Virgil can’t.

“Thank you, Roman. Objection! He is badgering the witness,” Patton corrects.

“Roman? It’s ‘Your Honor’ to you,” Deceit says smartly, shooting Roman a glance.

It’s almost like he’s flirting with the oblivious prince and Roman wants to smack Roman on top of the head. Can’t he see that this is all one long manipulation strategy?

“Hmm, sustained,” Roman says.

“You do what you gotta do, Your Honor. I have no further questions,” Deceit proclaims, and walks back to his seat.

Patton gets up and he’s full of nervous energy too. Virgil isn’t a hugger but he kind of wants to give him a hug right then and there.

“Hi Virgil,” Patton says with a wave. “Do you happen to know… Thomas’ feelings… about how skipping the wedding… might affect his friends?”

“He’s pretty nervous. Obviously,” Virgil says and points in Thomas’ direction.

Thomas has been falling apart pretty much since this whole thing started. It’s a wonder that the Mind Palace is even holding steady around him.

“Oh, okay. Well, I bet he’s even more nervous about lying to his friends about why he’s sipping the wedding,” Patton says.

“Leading the witness!” Deceit protests.

“Sustained,” Roman says and Virgil has to agree.

“Okay, how does Thomas feel about lying to his friends?” Patton asks, and Virgil might agree that Patton was leading him but he doesn’t care. He’s not going to play but the rules in this mock courtroom.

“I’d say he’s even more nervous about lying to his friends about why he’s skipping the wedding,” Virgil repeats dutifully. It’s true, anyway. Thomas has the biggest soft spot for his friends and his anxiety levels went through the roof when he thought about lying to them.

It’s good for no one, and Virgil the least of all.

“Why do you think that scares him so much?” Patton asks, softly

“’Cause he could get caught in a lie,” Virgil admits as he fidgets. He doesn’t like being on the stand like this. It’s too exposed, even when he knows that Patton would never try to make him uncomfortable unlike Deceit.

“Why is that so scary?” Patton asks, while chuckling.

“I don’t know. Umm…” Virgil answers, and he had to take a moment to think. It’s hard to think when all the blood in your body is rushing around too fast. “It could hurt Mary Lee and Lee.”

“But will they punish Thomas?” Patton asks.

“Hey-oh!” Roman exclaims, predictably.

Virgil looks at Roman, and he’s annoyed but there’s also a touch of fondness there that he can’t bring himself to deny anymore. It’s plain old Roman. He can be plain old Virgil for a second.

“How old are you?” Virgil asks.

“Will Thomas get in trouble?” Patton rephrases.

“No…” Virgil says.

“So, what’s the big deal? I mean, why is it so bad if they get upset?” Patton asks and he sounds entirely too jovial. It’s throwing Virgil off a little. Patton clearly thinks that it’s a big deal, and Virgil doesn’t know why he’s acting like this.

He wants some specific type of answer from Virgil, only he doesn’t know how to give it. His stomach feels knotted together because he’s failing at something fairly simple too.

“I-I don’t know,” he stutters out.

“I mean, if they’re not going to hurt Thomas back, then why are we worried about them?” Patton asks and pounds his fists on the wood, afterwards he mutters a soft, “ow.”

“Because…” Virgil starts.

“Because?” Patton prompts.

“Because it sucks! Because it hurts Thomas when he hurts his friends,” Virgil says and he’s too caught up in the anxious feeling in his whole body. Patton is pushing, he never pushes, and Virgil isn’t sure how to answer.

He hates not having the answer. It’s been a big issue in the past, the fear of being called on and being completely unable to answer in any cohesive way.

“Why?” Patton asks, once more.

“I don’t know. Because he’s Thomas!” Virgil exclaims because that’s all he can do.

He doesn’t know how to answer. It’s just Thomas. That’s who Thomas works. It’s how he’s worked for most of his life. Virgil doesn’t know the why, even if he wishes that he did.

“That’s right! He is!” Patton exclaims triumphantly. “I rest my case! Yah, until the next witness,” he adds hastily.

Virgil isn’t sure what to make of any of this. It’s an answer technically, but it doesn’t clarify anything. They all know Thomas, inside and out, even if they are mostly experts in their own little area.

Thomas being Thomas isn’t a big revelation, but Patton seems happy and that’s a good enough start for now. Thomas shoots Patton a fond smile, and it eases Virgil’s nerves just a little too.

“Alright, next witne-” Roman starts to say, only to be transported into the witness stand himself. “Oh.”

“Your name is Roman, correct?” Deceit asks, and he’s still using that slippery and charming tone that he always does.

“The one and lonely! What? Freudian slip…” Roman says and follows it with a sad chuckle.

He’s not okay. None of them are really okay at the moment. But there is something off about Roman, and he clearly needs someone to listen. Virgil wishes that he was a better person because he can’t do that. He wouldn’t even know how to bring it up.

He’s a master of repression too.

“So, Roman. Can you spell your name for the court?” Deceit asks.

“Ha! Easy. Really obviously muscular and nice. R-O-M-A-N!” Roman says, cheerfully. He’s goofing off and playing things up like he always does when he’s feeling vulnerable.

“Ooh, I’m afraid that’s wrong. It’s actually spelled W-R-O-A-M-M-I-N,” Deceit says, which is utter garbage. Surely, Roman will not-

“No, it’s not,” Roman says, panicked.

“Tae him away, he’s a fake!” Deceit declares.

The anxiety level in the room heightens and Virgil isn’t used to feeling those types of sparks from Roman ever. He doesn’t get anxious. He just plunges through, uncaring of consequences. He’s dashing and brave and stupid, and yet Deceit can make him question himself with just a few words.

“What?! I am not! That- I’m the real Roman!” Roman protests, growing increasingly worried.

Deceit’s shrieking laughter interrupts Roman’s nervous defense, but no one else in the courtroom thinks that it’s very funny.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself. Oh, you know I love you,” Deceit says, and Virgil hates that he can just throw that word around so carelessly, using it as a manipulation tactic.

He’s just telling Roman what he thinks that he wants to hear.

“Oh, ha-ha. Yeah, totally… um…” Roman says with a nervous laugh, looking unsure and a little on edge.

“Alright, actual first question. Is it not one of your many duties to help Thomas achieve his hopes and dreams?” Deceit asks and once again, Virgil wonders why they all let him open with declarative statements like this. It is only being used to having each of them turned on their head. 

“Yes! It is my sworn duty,” Roman proclaims proudly.

“And how has that been going for you?” Deceit asks.

“Like doo-die… It feels like no matter how hard I fight or how much progress I make, something more important always comes around to knock us back to where we started,” Roman says and there’s genuine frustration there.

Virgil hadn’t noticed. He feels a little bad.

It’s him. He’s usually the thing that comes and knocks Thomas backwards, especially when it comes for Roman’s dreams for him. They’re just so grand and scary and there are so many opportunities for Thomas to get hurt. Virgil is trying to protect him by restricting him.

“So, the wedding is more important?” Deceit asks.

“Uh, yeah…?” Roman answers, but it’s weak.

“Why?”

“Well, it marks the end of Lee and Mary Lee’s quests for the holy veil! We get to watch Mary Lee marry Lee merrily and their life becomes a dream!” Roman says, and he looks happy about his use of language but not much else.

“So, let me get this straight… the best thing for us to do is sit with a crowd of strangers, watch two people shove cake into each other’s mouths, make out, and tell each other how much they love each other while dressed like a butler and a princess?” Deceit questions and he’s back to his usual tricks. He’s painting a picture but it’s not a truthful one, he’s picking and twisting something to make it serve his needs.

Roman sighs defeated and unsure.

“You’re darn right!” Patton shouts, when Roman doesn’t say anything. Patton’s voice it loud and bright. Certain, where Roman’s is entirely absent.

“Level with me here. Is Thomas secretly in love with Lee?” Deceit asks.

“No,” Roman replies.

“So, he doesn’t plan on objecting to their union as part of a dramatic declaration of his undying love for Lee?” Deceit continues.

“No,” Roman says once more.

“Who is more important in this friendship? Lee and Mary Lee or Thomas?” Deceit prompts and he’s posing Roman impossible questions on purpose.

He’s trying to wrongfoot Roman and Virgil continues to quietly try not to boil over.

“Ah! I see what you’re doing! You’re trying to trick me into saying that Lee and Mary Lee are more important, but I know that everyone’s equal!” Roman says, sounding proud of himself.

“And yet, we’re prioritizing the wedding over the callback, and therefore their wants over ours,” Deceit says, once again spinning things to his advantage.

“Yes?” Roman says, still sounding unsure.

“One last thing! Stay with me here. Say you had a stereotypical relationship between a man and a woman,” Deceit starts.

“You lost me,” Roman says, too gay for this shit. Virgil cracks a little smile.

“Let me simplify. When two people want different things, what is the most fair solution?” Deceit asks.

“Compromise?” Roman guesses.

“Very good. Now, in this situation, what is the compromise?” Deceit asks.

“Hmm. Okay,” Roman says, thinking for a beat. “Thomas goes to the wedding, but he’s totally skipping their next major life event if he wants to.”

“Okay. Do you think everyone would be happy with that?” Deceit questions.

“I… don’t think anyone would be happy with that,” Roman admits.

This whole thing is going off the rails, and it’s happing so fast. It’s like a train wreck that Virgil can’t tear his eyes away from. He is not looking forward to the inevitable crash but he can’t just duck out. Thomas needs him here, even if he can barely do anything.

“Huh? So maybe fair isn’t always ideal. That seems to be how they see it, anyway. It would be fair if both parties for to have their special days but ideally for them, they get to have their big day and Thomas has to watch,” Deceit says, clearly very satisfied with his questioning. “No further questions. Smirk.”

“Did he just say smirk?” Thomas asks.

Virgil would love to rip that smirk off his face. Deceit is taunting all of them.

“My turn… Roman… Imagine if you will…” Patton begins.

“Done,” Roman says instantly.

That’s another of the differences. Patton knows Roman and he knows how to set up an imagined scenario so much better than Deceit does. Virgil has watched the two of them play out countless scenarios, just wrapped up in their own little world of imagination. If pressed to admit it, he might call it adorable.

“You’ve met an extremely handsome and wonderful prince; the second most handsome prince in the world!” Patton says.

“Wait, why can’t I meet the first most handsome prince?” Roman asks with a pout.

“Because that’s you, ya knucklehead!” Patton says, smiling and grinning.

Roman laughs, flattered. “Ohohoho, oh, you need to- you need to chill.”

“Sssssuck up!” Deceit hisses.

But Patton is not. He wouldn’t do that on purpose because he’s not a conniving bastard that uses words to get people to do what he wants. Patton genuinely thinks that Roman is the most handsome prince in the world. It’s not the first time that he’s said it. There is no false modesty here, just sweet honesty.

“Now you’re marrying that prince! Congratulations!” Patton exclaims.

“Score!” Roman says.

“Who do you want at your wedding?” Patton asks.

“Liza Minnelli,” Roman says without missing a beat. He clearly had that answer ready to go.

“Ring, ring, ring! Who’s this?” Patton says, holding his hand up as a mock phone. “No, I’ll tell him. She said she’s going!”

“Yay, Liza!” Roman says happily.

Virgil wonders if he remembers in this moment that this is all just play-pretend. Then again, Roman has always been very fond of getting lost in his play-pretend world.

“Oh, what’s that? Terrible news? Okay. She cancelled,” Patton says, dropping his hand.

“That bitch!” Roman says and gets up.

“Her puppy’s sick! She had to go to the vet, you monster!” Patton counters.

Roman sighs and sits down, but he’s still being dramatic about it. Virgil would expect no less.

“Family emergency, I get it. Don’t love it, but I get it.”

“Oh, she lied! I just checked your Snapchat and she’s at a burlesque show!” Patton says.

“Well, I guess life really is a cabaret, Miss Minnelli,” Roman says bitterly.

Virgil is getting whiplash from all the twists and turns. Deceit looks done with them all.

“Alright, and… conclude! That was just a scene. It was all just a scene. Now, how would you feel about that?” Patton asks, and looks expectedly at Roman.

Roman opens his mouth about to answer but he hesitates and it looks like he rethinks before he actually says something.

“It wouldn’t bother me. Her not being there doesn’t change the fact that it’s my big day,” he says eventually. It sounds a little too tense.

“You wouldn’t miss Liza… May… Minnelli?” Patton asks, emphasizing her name.

“Sooo, I would be devastated!” Roman admits, waving his arms around. “But you know what? She’s her own person, and she has her own life. I can’t take that from her! Her being at the wedding is for me and if I forced her to be there when she didn’t want to go, then I would be the selfish one.”

Virgil isn’t liking how this is turning out at all. Roman teleports back to his seat as the judge and bangs his gavel.

“Next witness!” he declares and Deceit is transported to the witness stand this time.

Patton does not look like he is ready to take on Deceit at all. Deceit smirks like he knows it, and he definitely does. He’s the one who made this courtroom and gave everyone their roles. There is a reason he’s up against Patton and not Logan as his opposing lawyer.

“Okay. Okay. Well… Deceit. Um… let’s get this over with!” Patton says, and it’s so painfully clear that he’s trying to put on a brave face. The goofy way he waves his arms seem more like a cry for help than anything else.

“Do, let’s,” Deceit says, looking like a snake that has just caught a mouse it’s about to play with before devouring.

“So, Deceit… if that is your real name…” Patton starts, which is arguably not a great start.

“It is,” Deceit lies, like Virgil had expected.

“You always seem to have some bigger plan. Some… agenda,” Patton says, and it’s clear to anyone watching how lost and uncomfortable he is while questioning Deceit.

“Doesn’t everyone?” Deceit says, voice sweet like honey.

“Well, not everyone is so secretive… about theirs,” Patton says and a small part of Virgil fractures.

He’s secretive about his origin. He always has shrouded himself in an air of mystery to keep the questions away. A lot of that has faded now but it’s still there. The secret is still between them all.

“Everything has a purpose, and sometimes fulfilling your purpose requires keeping things close to the chest,” Deceit says and he’s looking at Patton but Virgil feels as if he might as well be looking at him.

It’s the reasoning that Virgil has used for a long time. He justified deceiving Thomas, withholding information from him because he wouldn’t be able to help and fulfill his purpose if Thomas knew.

“Well, you’re under oath, which I think means you gotta tell us. Why the courtroom scenario? Why pick a setting where… the truth comes to hang out?” Patton says while waving his arms around.

“Oh, we’re- we’re going with that?” Thomas asks and he doesn’t sound pleased.

“Oh, honey, the truth hangs out in the courtroom? Ha! That’s a laugh and a half,” Deceit says with a short laugh.

“No , that’s a statement. Logan, that’s a statement, right?” Patton asks Logan in the back.

“Yeah, that’s a statement. I don’t know what he’s talking about,” Logan shouts. He’s so far away from all of them, almost forgotten but of course, Patton didn’t. He had always been used to lean on Logan for support and help, even when they don’t see eye to eye.

“Courts and laws are some of the higher powers in society, and society is made of lies. Society itself is a lie!” Deceit declares, almost angrily.

“Then what’s the truth?” Patton ponders, pulling at his lip.

“You get enough people to share a piece of land and breathe the same air and you’ve got a society. Why? It’s just a bunch of people in the same general area. It’s an abstract concept, as real as the monster under your bed! But we obey these rules or get punished for breaking them. All in the name of society. It’s absurd and terrifying,” Deceit monologues and there’s something settling over the courtroom.

It’s like a subtle pulse when Deceit finishes speaking and it’s making Virgil’s skin crawl. He would think that Deceit would like that society is made up of lies. He’d fit right in.

“Okay… what does any of this have to do with Thomas?” Patton asks, confused.

Thomas meekly waves at Deceit, almost forgotten in the middle of this whole thing, even though it’s only really here for him. They’re all just here for him.

“I don’t want Thomas to be disadvantaged in a world where you can die for not following the laws made in the name of a lie,” Deceit says dramatically, and he’s still exuding that dark aura.

It’s making Virgil feel a little shaky. He lets out an exhale and he hates how it wobbles. He needs to regain control; he needs to put Deceit back in his place.

“Okay, I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Virgil starts, and then he gathers his limited power to shatter Deceit’s thick presence that’s wrapping around them all, “but that was so edgy and over-the-top. We’re talking about a wedding here!”

“Am I being over-the-top?” Deceit asks, fury bubbling under his skin.

Virgil doesn’t want to get into a confrontation with him, because he’s not sure he will be able to make it out on top but he will try. But if he has to for Thomas, he would try anything.

“Yes,” Virgil insists, with a growl in his voice.

“Oh, okay. I thought we were having a discussion about rights and wrongs, shoulds and shouldn’ts,” Deceit argues, ramping up his power once more. Virgil blinks frantically, half in disbelief and half because the air is making his eyes sting. “In a society? Those labels are deadly serious.”

“Okay! Um, let me ask you another question,” Patton interrupts and Virgil is thankful for it. This was leading nowhere good. It’s possible Patton could feel the tension building between the two of them.

He’s always been someone who tried to avoid conflict whenever possible.

“No, let me ask you a question,” Deceit says and reverses their positions.

Virgil quietly broods that Deceit cut Patton’s question off, and that it will be forgotten now. They’re all just pawns in his game and he’s playing them all to perfection. Every moment it feels like they might be getting to something, he changes the rules.

“Do you know of Max Stirner?” Deceit asks.

“Uh, I know Max Sternest. He’s really hard on his kids! Thank you, everyone! Try the Mind Palace buffet,” Patton jokes, as usual turning to puns and jokes when he’s feeling uncomfortable and put on the spot.

He’s a funny guy naturally but it’s also one of his most obvious coping mechanisms.

“I know! I know! Ooh, ooh, oh, oh!” Logan shouts from the back, hand raised like an eager student. He’s even leaning out of his seat to be more visible.

“Go ahead, Logan,” Deceit says with a tiny wave of his hand.

“Max Stirner was a racist, drunken anarchist philosopher who squandered most of his wife’s inheritance on his failed milk startup!” Logan informs, always so proud to be able to contribute.

“Oh…” Patton says, wrinkling his nose. Roman and Thomas wear a similar expression. Virgil is still glaring at Deceit because he’s about to play Logan, bringing up philosophers to support his point.

Normally, Logan is their voice of reason and they trust him when he does that. Trust that he will lead them down the right way, and now Deceit is using that against them. They’ve been conditioned to listen to the reason of old philosophers.

“We’re just going to focus on the philosopher part today,” Deceit says and clears his throat. “A central aspect of Stirner’s view of the world is that there is nothing greater than an individual. The ‘powers above’ are like boogeymen, except we believe in them! And in some cases, we fear them. So, with that in mind, why is going to the wedding more important than the callback?”

“Because it feels better to give something to someone else than take something for yourself,” Patton says confidently. It’s one of his core values.

He’s always trying to give and give and give. It’s gotten them in trouble before because he sometimes gives more than he’s capable of. Even so, it’s a noble trait and Patton guards it fiercely.

“But Thomas won’t enjoy giving the bride and groom his time because it costs something _very_ important to him. Not only does this go against your claim, but it discourages Thomas from performing more acts of selflessness in the future. Try again,” Deceit goads.

“The wedding is more important because Thomas should support his friends,” Patton says, but some of his earlier confidence is a little shaken.

“Why are their wants more important than Thomas’?” Deceit questions, and he’s pushing Patton right into where he wants him but insinuating that he’s not looking after Thomas’ wants. If that was the truth, Patton would feel lie he failed.

“They’re not, but… friendship is more important than acting in our own self-interest,” Patton says, coming back to his core value once more.

“And there it is!” Deceit claims as he slabs the table and then points right at Patton as if he is the guilty party. “We found our boogeyman. Friendship. That is the abstract that is being treated as greater than the individual. Another idea that is central to Stirner’s philosophy is egoism, or putting it simply, acting in your own self-interest.”

“That’s wrong,” Patton insists, jumping in his seat. His voice is a little shaky.

“No, _you’re_ wrong,” Deceit counters. “See, the way Max Stirner saw it, everyone is an egoist and you either know it or you don’t.”

Virgil casts a look at Roman who is fidgeting. He doesn’t like the way Roman seems to move a little. Always so touchy whenever something to do with Thomas’ ego is brought up, understandably.

“Wow, this Stirner guy sounds like a bummer to the max,” Patton says.

“On the contrary-” Deceit starts to say but he’s soon interrupted by a grinning Patton.

“You get it?” Patton asks, still smiling and now pointing right at Virgil. Virgil cracks a little smile, because Patton is also using jokes to make him feel better. “Max Stirner? He gets it.”

Patton is so out of his depth, and uncomfortable and yet he’s still worrying about others. He’s too caring for his own good sometimes.

“On the contrary, Stirner was rather starry-eyed,” Deceit says and continues as if he hadn’t heard Patton at all. “He believed that no one was more important than anyone else, and if everyone understood everyone else to be equals, then maybe we could have a society where you could either work with others towards a mutual benefit, or be left to your own devices, if that’s what you wanted.”

He’s spinning a tale now, and he’s exerting his aura again, but Virgil is not falling for it.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Virgil protests, throwing his hands up. “Did you just say he thought all people were equal? Because Logan said he was racist.”

“And I said we’re not focusing on that today,” Deceit says, punching the table once more.

“That’s, that’s what tripped me up too,” Patton says, pointing at Virgil.

“Racism is… literally the opposite of seeing all people as equal,” Thomas says and Virgil is glad that he’s at least keeping his wits about him a little. He’s not too far gone into Deceit’s web of lies just yet.

Bless Logan for opening with that fact about the philosopher that Deceit would undoubtedly have kept secret from them.

“Look, the point is, Thomas is an unconscious egoist and this dilemma is actually between something that serves him versus something else that serves him. Between looking and feeling like a good friend and a dream come true,” Deceit argues and he’s getting more agitated now. He’s speaking faster and louder and trying to push his influence out even further. “If Thomas wanted to be seen as a good friend _more_ than he wanted the role of a lifetime… well, then I’m all for that. But I just don’t buy it. I’m through with my questioning.”

Deceit dramatically retreats after banging on the table one final time.

“Uh, correction, that was more like lecturing,” Logan shouts from the back.

“Yeah, it almost feels like you’re not sitting this one out,” Roman says, looking at Logan with both a bit of aspiration and some fondness.

“All right now, it’s my turn to cross-examine the witness. What do you know?” Patton asks, and then run back to sit on the stand again. “I know nothing!” he says before running back. “Where were you when the underwear was left on the floor? I need the truth!” he continues from his position as the lawyer and runs back to the stand again. “You can’t handle the truth!”

Virgil is watching with a bit of horrified fasciation. It’s like Patton is crumbling right before their eyes and it’s deeply unsettling.

“Please stop yelling at me!” Patton says, and it seems he remembers that he can teleport now. “Okay! Okay, I’m sorry,” he says from the stand before teleporting back in front of it again. “It’s okay. I just- I don’t know if I’m cut out for this whole lawyer thing.”

Patton adjusts his glasses and there’s a part of Virgil that aches to reach out, but he doesn’t do well with comforting words. He wouldn’t know what to say to Patton. Roman and Thomas look equally torn while Deceit just watches with a smirk on his face. Logan’s energy pulses from the back but Virgil isn’t sure what to make of it.

“Of course, you are! I mean, yeah, you cracked under pressure, but nobody’s perfect. The important thing is you’re trying your best,” Patton says to himself from the stand before teleporting again. “Wow. Thanks, kiddo,” he replies, back in his lawyer position.

Maybe he needed that pep talk more than he was willing to admit and as such he ends up giving it to himself. It seems none of them can offer him the words of comfort that he needs so he’s trying to give that to himself. A brief reprieve from this thing that is so clearly stressing him out.

“Kiddo? I’m old enough to be your father,” Patton jokes from the stand and laughing as his own joke, as he’s teleporting again. “Oh! No more questions, no more questions.”

Patton walks away giggling and Thomas lets out hopeless sigh. He’s losing faith in Patton’s ability, and perhaps his sanity, and that’s a bad thing because Deceit is going to pounce any moment.

“And now, I’d like to call Thomas Sanders to the sander’s. Nailed it,” Deceit says and teleports Thomas to the stand. “Hey, Thomas, isn’t it kind of annoying how a royal wedding can absorb all the media attention and potentially distract from more important matters that people need to know about?”

“Uh… I guess so?” Thomas answers and it’s clear he’s a little confused by the question. Virgil isn’t because Deceit is definitely setting something up to bring back up later to make a point, like the manipulative Side that he is. “I mean, the last royal wedding probably wasn’t the most important thing going in in the world at the time.”

“Okay, would you show an eight-year-old an R-rated movie?” Deceit asks, completely changing tracks.

“Jumping around a bit here,” Thomas says and looks in Virgil’s direction as anxiety kicks up. He’s feeling like the ground is shifting under his feet and Virgil doesn’t blame him. “Uh… probably not?”

Virgil tries to grab a hold of the anxiety, already tight, hot and uncomfortable in his hold but he needs Thomas not to be overly anxious now, but at the same time, he needs to stay alert and aware. Just not anxious.

“Would you agree with a law that _bans_ parents from letting their children watch R-rated movies?” Deceit asks, and Virgil isn’t sure where this is headed but he doesn’t like it.

“Ah, uh… I don’t know. I guess not?” Thomas says, and he sounds unsure. “It would be up to the parents on how they want to raise their kids- what is happening?”

Thomas bangs on the edge of the stand and anxiety flares up again. Virgil learns forward a little gridding his teeth as he keeps it clamped down as best as possible.

“So, it’s okay to have values but not to universalize them?” Deceit asks.

“What- I think something are universally wrong, but for less important things? Sure. I mean, you can’t decide what’s right or wrong for someone else,” Thomas argues and he really tries not to let Deceit make him say something he doesn’t mean.

It’s a noble effort.

“Less important things like weddings?”

But it’s not really working.

“Okay-” Thomas starts to argue but Deceit doesn’t let him get a word out.

“You said the royal wedding – the royal wedding – wasn’t that important. That’s royalty, not little Lee and Mary Lee’s inconsequential nuptials,” Deceit argues and there is the royal wedding comparison that Virgil was dreading.

“Okay. Alright,” Thomas says exasperated and waving his hand over his head. “Well, my personal value is that I should go to the wedding.”

“But there are values that come naturally to us and there are some that are instilled in us. You don’t speed while driving because you don’t want a speeding ticket, not because you feel in your heart that speeding is wrong,” Deceit says, once more twisting the point and the perspective.

It’s hard to keep track of where they are and that’s exactly the slimy snake’s plan.

“No, well, what if I fear-” Thomas tries, but Deceit still isn’t letting him get a word in. The rest of the Sides are being suppressed and unable to interfere because Deceit is interacting directly with Thomas and demanding all of his attention.

As such, he is also running most of Thomas’ controls at the moment.

“Similarly, you fear being perceived as a bad friend. But you don’t want to go to the wedding at all. Do you? Admit it,” Deceit demands.

Virgil knows Deceit is right, as much as it pains him to think it. He wouldn’t be so anxious about this whole thing if it wasn’t the case. But he doesn’t want Deceit to pull that out of Thomas. He has no right to do that when it’s clearly something that pains Thomas a lot.

“I plead the sixth,” Thomas says with a glare.

“Oh, sweetie. It’s ‘I plead the fifth’,” Deceit says, in a condescending voice.

“No! The sixth amendment!” Thomas insists and points to Logan, who must have had just enough control to remind Thomas about it. “’The accused is guaranteed the right to a speedy public trial by an impartial jury’. Virgil hates the prosecutor, and that’s not impartial! Lawyered.”

Virgil is nodding along, because there’s no denying that, and he really wants an excuse for this whole courtroom scenario to be over.

“That’s right,” Logan says proudly.

“Well, Roman wants me to win, so…” Deceit says, pointing at Roman.

“What, me?” Roman says, defensively while putting down his gavel. “No! Come on.”

He’s not fooling anyone. He wants Deceit to win because Deceit winning means Thomas going to the callback and that’s all Roman really wants. He would probably support anyone who was trying to support his goals, but he really should be more selective about who he puts his trust in.

“I know you’re lying, Roman. Like I said, everything has a purpose and you’re denying yours,” Deceit says as he calls him out. Roman’s expression shifts to one of guilt. “You want that callback so bad, and it will crush you if we miss it. So… with conflicting conflicts of interest all around, I feel like it all kind of evens out.”

“No! No! That’s worse!” Thomas insists but he’s too emotional and he doesn’t have enough hold on himself to finish this. Virgil isn’t even sure that he remembers he can do so if he wants. None of them could physically stop him.

“Yeah, this is a kangaroo court,” Logan calls from the back.

“Oh, I wish!” Patton sighs dreamily. “That sounds so much cuter than this mock courtroom where the principles of law and justice are being disregarded.”

“Okay, seriously, we’re not going to perfectly nail every detail. This isn’t even a real courtroom. You’re sitting on the couch with your eyes closed,” Deceit points out.

“That’s fair. But why say it?” Thomas says.

But he’s still letting them all stay in the Mind Palace. It’s like he’s still clinging onto the hope that they will somehow determine that he is a good person. He needs that validation so desperately, even from the parts of himself.

“Stop stalling and admit it. What _am_ I doing here right now, Thomas? Am I the snake come to trick you into sinning, or have you had your mind made up since the moment you received the news about the callback?” Deceit asks and his power swells and fills every crevice. Virgil feels like he’s choking on it. “You didn’t even forget about the wedding, did you? It was all an act!”

“Fine! I want to go to the callback!” Thomas admits, desperation in his voice. Virgil’s racing heart stops and plummets. “I was planning on playing word crush on my phone during the wedding ceremony to keep my mind off the fact that I’m single. I don’t want to go! I’m afraid to go.”

There’s a little exhale of breath and somehow that stands out to Virgil more than the words. Thomas is trying so hard, and he’s so hard on himself. He can’t admit when he wants things. Not at all.

“And on top of that,” Thomas continues, “a dream come true fell into my lap scheduled on the same day. Anyone would want to go to the callback! So, yeah. I tried to force myself to forget about the wedding, and now I want to lie to my friends, so they don’t hate me for not supporting them. I’m a liar.”

Deceit is practically preening. Everyone else watch quietly in worry as Thomas finally crumbles. The Mind Palace feels unstable around them.

“I’m a liar,” Thomas repeats, softer and more heartbreaking this time.

Deceit burst out laughing, high-pitched and piercing.

“Yes! Prosecution rests or whatever. Let’s just all it here and put him out of his misery,” Deceit says, almost dancing in his steps. He’s so smug.

He proved what he wanted to. Thomas is a liar. He let his deceitful Side gain way too much power over him.

Roman looks over his notepad. “Does the juror have his decision?” he asks solemnly.

“Yeah,” Virgil says and stands up. He always knew it wouldn’t matter. Part of him wants to say that he doesn’t find Thomas guilty, but he is. Thomas is guilty, as much as Virgil wishes that wasn’t the case. “I hate to say it but, the defendant is… guilty. On all charges.”

“Who knew convincing people to do something they really want to do could be so easy?” Deceit asks, still almost a skip in his steps. He is too self-assured.

“This is a downer,” Roman says, and Virgil isn’t sure he’s ever heard him sound so defeated.

“Well, Your Honor. What’s your sentence?” Thomas asks, sounding just as defeated.

“Sentence? I don’t know. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog,” Roman says, completely missing the point.

None of them are really fit to play the roles they have been assigned in Deceit’s game but that was probably always the plan. Deceit just wanted them where he could manipulate them the best.

“No, a sentence for the verdict. I’ve been convicted of the crimes,” Thomas says and Virgil finally sits down to get off his shaky legs, “and now, as judge, you have to give me a sentence. A… punishment.”

“Hey-oh,” Roman repeats, same joke as before. This time Virgil doesn’t call him out on being childish. He doesn’t have the energy.

But then there’s a shift in the air, Roman’s energy suddenly expanding and he snaps up his head with a realization. “I hereby sentence you-” he says.

“That’s not really necessary,” Deceit says and he thinks he’s won but evidently, he hadn’t considered that all his stroking Roman’s ego could backfire. “I think now you see that all of this is-”

“-to one day at the Saint Clifford’s Chapel on the day of Lee and Mary Lee’s wedding,” Roman sentences and pounds the gavel.

Everything becomes unstable, dissolving as Thomas opens his eyes and Thomas is thrust back into his body on the couch. He’s feeling unsettled to his core but not even overly anxious. He feels numb, which is almost worse.

“Wait, what?” Deceit asks, clearly feeling like he’s the one out of the loop for the first time since all of this started.

“It’s my sworn duty to help Thomas achieve his hopes and dreams, but Thomas wouldn’t dream of attaining his hopes through deceitful means,” Roman says.

Virgil doesn’t stop the half-smile that creeps up on him. He’s quick to write Roman off as an egotistical idiot at times, but right now he’s feeling a sense of respect from him that he didn’t before. The callback mattered more to Roman than any of the other Sides would ever be able to understand and even so, he is willing to give it up to help Thomas be a good person.

“But that’s not true!” Deceit shouts and he’s the unstable one now.

“And you’re a beacon of truth?” Virgil asks, lathered with sarcasm. He’s feeling better now that they’re out of the Mind Palace and out of Deceit’s clutches.

“Oh, did I say that? I missed the part where I said that,” Deceit hisses, annoyed.

“I don’t understand. You got what you wanted,” Thomas says. “You proved that I’m not as honest as I’d like to believe.”

“But you’re still missing the point!” Deceit insists. “Didn’t it seem kind of ridiculous taking this matter so seriously to the point of settling it in a legal setting?”

Deceit is clearly new around here. That’s pretty on par for them.

“It seemed pretty important,” Patton says.

“I do that kind of stuff all the time…” Roman adds.

“Wheew!” Deceit exclaims loudly, startling Virgil as loud noises do. Deceit is so frustrated that it’s vibrating off him. Virgil isn’t happy that he’s standing so close, in Logan’s spot of all places. “Okay, let me out it this way. Life… is like a pinata.”

“Colorful and full of stuff that makes you happy?” Patton says cheerfully. He seems better now that they’re out of the courtroom too. Or maybe it’s because that while he technically lost, he still got the outcome that he wanted in the end.

“Sure, and you want that stuff that makes you happy, right?!” Deceit shouts.

“Do I!” Patton says, smiling.

“Do I…” Roman says, longing and solemnly.

Someone really needs to keep an eye out for him because he’s definitely not okay. Virgil just wouldn’t even know where or how to start, so he ignores what he sees despite the yab in his chest.

“Well, in order to get that stuff, you must attack the pinata. But you’re wearing a blindfold right now,” Deceit says, making up a metaphor. Patton fumbles on his face, almost as if he expected Deceit had really put a blindfold on him. “You can keep playing with the blindfold on, if you like the game better that way, but if you take it off, it’s easier to get the stuff you want.”

“Attack the pinata?” Thomas questions.

“I believe he’s suggestion that you beat someone up and rob their unconscious body, right?” Roman guesses.

“NO!” Deceit shouts, too angry and loud. Virgil doesn’t jump this time because he’s busy glaring and being angry himself.

“No?” Roman asks, looking genuinely baffled.

“I’m trying to teach you a lesson, but it’s literally impossible…” Deceit says, full of despair.

“Falsehood.”

It sounds before the owner of the voice even shows up and it instantly wipes the expression off Deceit’s face. His presence is already starting to shrink. He really does not like Logan.

“Oh my gosh!” Patton says with a gasp and hides behind his fists. You’d think he was a kid on Christmas morning and Logan was Santa Claus. It’s quite adorable how happy he gets whenever Logan shows up without fault. Virgil will never tire of seeing it.

“Why don’t you leave the teaching to me?” Logan asks, as he arrives, tightening his tie and looking as composed as ever as he rises up.

Deceit crowds against the stairs, too close to Virgil who moves back a little but he’s getting a kick out of seeing how Deceit will literally pull away from Logan. He’s fading now, Logan’s energy bright and overpowering. Virgil is smiling at his reappearance. They could have used him to keep Deceit in check earlier, which was probably the exact reason he was pushed out.

“Aha! There he is,” Thomas announces happily, smiling brightly and for a moment his struggles are forgotten at the arrival of Logan.

“Great. Well, I’m sure Thomas’ friends would love to know that he’s _forcing_ himself to attend their wedding,” Deceit says and the smile slips right off Thomas’ face again. “It’s clear you all don’t want to listen to reason but hear this: I’ll always be a part of you.”

Deceit pulls back his cape and revealing that he has a logo now too. Like a proper Side. Virgil bristles at the sight because yes, it’s just a design but the mere presence of it means that Deceit now is a bigger part of Thomas than he was before.

“Oh! Look at the little tongues!” Patton says excited.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Deceit says, and Virgil grumbles and grids his teeth, “and there are smarter ways to get people to do what you want, anyway.”

As Deceit sinks out, Virgil feels a strange sense of foreboding. Deceit’s way of handling things that can’t be solved with lies will inevitably be something worse.

“He said he wasn’t going anywhere,” Logan says, looking at where Deceit disappeared. “He’s a classic liar.”

“Bye, Deceit. Why don’t we invite him around more often?” Thomas asks sarcastically.

“Boy… I’m rattled,” Patton says, before breaking into a chuckle. “Get it, like a rattle snake?”

“Patton, that joke was terrible, in a way that was… slitherto undreamt of,” Roman jokes on, sending Patton a small smile.

“Oh! Oh!” Patton exclaims.

“I gotcha,” Roman says happily.

“I’m glad that was a joke. For a moment there, I was devastated,” Patton says, and it sounds true.

“Roman, I just, uh, I want to thank you for helping set me straight, despite the cost,” Thomas praises. “I know that that wasn’t easy for you.”

It’s an understatement. It was devastating for Roman, but Thomas is trying and he’s doing right by trying to lessen the blow with his praise.

“It wasn’t,” Roman admits, quietly, “but you’re welcome. Well, it’s back to the drawing board for me. If e-got a chance at any top-tier accolades, then I need to get back to work,” Roman says and sinks out with his usual flourish.

“Alright, don’t work too hard, Roman,” Thomas calls after him. Virgil doubt that Roman would listen to that, even if he heard Thomas.

“And just like that, as quickly as he arrived, he was gone,” Logan quotes.

“Yeah, Deceit’s a weird one,” Thomas says.

“No, I was talking about myself,” Logan clarifies. “It’s still difficult to believe that my participation was as restricted as it was. It was Deceit’s doing, I’m sure. I would have been more than a worthy foil.”

Virgil agrees that Logan would have been a worthy opponent to Deceit, and the Side definitely restricted Logan’s participation, but… he’s not the only one who did. Thomas was the one who told Deceit to stick around, and in doing so, he condoned that Logan was pushed out. Virgil isn’t even sure if Thomas realizes that all of his actions with them have consequences like that. They’re all struggling to keep him balanced, well, most of them are, but they can only be as powerful as he allows. He can amplify the presence of his Sides.

“Unlike him, I’m skeptical about whether a society could function without some sort of system of laws by which all its citizens abide,” Logan concludes.

“Well, of course you feel that way, you love rules,” Thomas says.

“Love is a strong word,” Logan says, even shying away from the word when it’s used about something as trivial as the concept of rules, “but I do appreciate order, and I’m glad to see that the figurative scales of justice have reached equilibrium on this day.”

“Oh, ‘scales of justice’!” Patton says joyfully. “Logan, you’re better at this than I am!”

“For the love of Archimedes, I will never intentionally make a pun!” Logan insists before he sinks out, presumably before Patton can try to engage him in another pun battle.

Virgil thinks that Logan probably loves to hate puns more than he actually hates the puns themselves.

“Well, unlike the tardy teacher, I don’t have an issue with strong language,” Virgil says, and he notices out the corner of his eye that Patton is covering his ears. Against his initial intention, he softens the language for the Side who doesn’t appreciate swearing. “I _freaking_ hated everything about this.”

“Oh, I was afraid of what you meant by ‘strong language’,” Patton says, sounding content that Virgil didn’t actually drop the F-bomb like he had intended.

“Do not allow him or any of…” Virgil warns but he has to hesitate for a beat, decide how to warn Thomas of the rest without giving too much away, “… his friends to stick around that long ever again.”

“Okay, but what if-” Thomas starts to ask but Virgil won’t hear of it.

“Ever again? Cool?” he asks, intensity practically vibrating around him.

He can’t tell Thomas why. He’s not ready to hear it yet. Virgil kind of hopes that he will never have to. It’s a feeble hope now that Deceit has gotten this far. The other two will follow. It’s unfortunately only a matter of time. The best Thomas can do is limit their time and power.

“Cool,” Thomas agrees, nonchalantly, but Virgil hopes that he heeds the word of warning all the same.

“Very cool!” Patton says eagerly.

“Then we’re all cool here. Now, I’m going to go be cool somewhere else,” Virgil says and puts his hands in his pockets before sinking out.

Thomas and Patton have stuff to sort out between them and they deserve the privacy to do so. Virgil has to examine the small marks in his palms from clenching his fists too tightly together.

It’s a grounding mechanism but a poor one. He shouldn’t hurt himself, however mildly, to deal with his anxiety. Deceit brings it out in him. He hates the feeling he gets whenever he is around, always guarded and waiting for the moment when everything falls apart. It will fall apart, eventually.

Virgil is happy that Deceit didn’t get his way and that Thomas is once again proving that he is an amazing friend. But there is something unsettled in the pit of Virgil’s stomach and he isn’t sure if this is the right decision.

It feels like there will be repercussions that none of them have foreseen yet. It’s to be expected when Deceit is the one pulling the strings.

Virgil almost longs for a simpler time, when all of them weren’t in disarray. Looking around at his three friends he sees that all of them are struggling. They are all unsure.

The whole dynamic of them are shifting with a new Side manifesting and Virgil fears that it will continue to be changing for a long time. He can only hope that Thomas will come out stronger the other end of it.

He knows one thing for sure.

Virgil is going to be here and try to protect him with all that he’s got. For as long as Thomas will have him.

**Author's Note:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](https://secretlywritingstories.tumblr.com/post/617930827690590208/virgil-you-are-my-anxiety-no-one-elses)
> 
> I've missed writing this series, even though it's a lot of work with how long the episodes have gotten. I love Virgil so much and I missed him a hecking lot in Putting Others First. But more than that, I'm just still so excited to see what will happen after the reveal of his past and how the team will handle it. I have the utmost faith that it's going to be amazing. I'm glad I finally got around to doing this episode, even if it's over a year late and written out of order.
> 
> I was toying with the idea of making another one of these one shots for EMBARRASSING PHASES. Would any of you be interested to read that? 
> 
> I hope you liked this, and Virgil's perspective. Comments are very welcome. I appreciate them a lot.


End file.
